On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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