My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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