Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
