is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
