also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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