Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
