Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
