so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they need to just BURY HIM!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
