I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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