Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
