I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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