Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
