if i can run in heels then i can drive
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
