oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
