no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
