Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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