found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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