i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
