whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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