The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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