dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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