I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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