Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
