from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
