So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
