i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
