Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
