I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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