real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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