Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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