Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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