If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize