I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
