Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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