I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
