That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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