An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
