Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize