I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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