I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
