Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
