what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
