if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
