Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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