I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
