just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
