i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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