This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize