everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
