just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
