omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
