he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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