My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
