...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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