I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
