OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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