That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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