I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
