i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
