So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
