THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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