thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
