i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
