I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
