I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
