He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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