Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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