Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize