I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
