We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
