Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
