I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
