If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
