Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize