Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
