how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
