Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize