You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
