just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
