so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize