Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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