FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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