Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
