I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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