No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
