Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

(508): View more from Massachusetts

what was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

nothing

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back

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(702): View more from Nevada

Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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(512): View more from Texas

She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?

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(315): View more from New York

I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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(316): View more from Kansas

IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH

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(256): View more from Alabama

Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?

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