Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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