I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
