A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
