Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
