Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
