just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
