hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize