I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
