Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
