i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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