He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
