Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
