He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
