I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
