We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
