I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
