I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
